I gave The Jokester and her daughter a ride to Wal-Mart again yesterday.
Joke the first.
The fire chief noticed that the little girl next door was fixing up her red wagon to look like a fire truck. It had a hose and a bucket and a little ladder, and she had tied her cat to the front handle to pull it.
It was so cute that he went over to compliment her on her tiny fire truck. But when he looked more closely, he noticed that the wagon was not tied to the kitteh's neck or collar, as he had expected, but instead was tied to its nuts.
"Why is that?" he asked. "Wouldn't it be better to tie the wagon to the cat's collar?"
"Oh, no," she said. "Then I wouldn't have the siren!"
Joke the second.
Two little old ladies went for a walk in the park. After a while they got tired, so they sat down on a handy bench, and lit up to have a smoke while they rested. But soon it started raining. One lady took a condom out of her purse, cut a little hole in the end, and put it over her cigarette. She was able to sit and smoke without her cigarette getting wet from the rain.
The second lady, who was rather sheltered and naive, said, "What is that thing? And where could I get one?"
"It's called a condom, and you can get them at the pharmacy."
The next day lady #2 went to the drugstore and asked the pharmacist for a condom. He said, "What size?"
She replied, "One that fits on a Camel."
Joke the third.
(She told me this one was a favorite when she was in the nursing home after breaking her hip.)
A young woman was going to visit her granny in the nursing home when her car hit a patch of ice and slid into the ditch. Happily, a man in a long trench coat jumped out of her trunk and began directing traffic so that the gawking drivers didn't run into each other. Soon there was a massive traffic jam, with cars backed up in both directions.
A sheriff's deputy arrived and demanded to know what was going on. The young woman explained about the ice and pointed to her car in the ditch.
"Who is that man in the trench coat directing traffic?" the deputy asked.
"Oh, him? He's my emergency flasher."
Edited to add: The reason I could remember the jokes this time is that while we were parked, I sent myself an email with cues. No way I could have remembered otherwise.
In other news, the capcha problem seems to have been solved.