You were a shelter dog in Ohio who was 24 hours away from being put down as unadoptable when a rescue organization swooped in to whisk you and your 19 friends to foster homes in Wisconsin. We adopted you even though you were terrified of people. We fed you and talked to you and patiently waited through the first four month of your life with us until we forced you to allow us to touch you. We have provided excellent health care and treats and fresh water and lots of affection and car rides and trips to fun places in the 2-1/2 years (or is it 3-1/2 years?) that you have lived with us.
We know you had a traumatic childhood, but is it too much to ask that you remember to relieve yourself outdoors in the beautiful shaded dog run that Younger Son built for you? You were pretty darned good about your toileting habits until Ser Percival The Energetic was here with us for those two weeks last month. Apparently his boisterous entry into your normally quiet life was just a bit too much for you to handle, even though you thoroughly enjoy playing with him. You seem to have forgotten what going outside is for.
Please regain your former good habits. Some people might consider your present behavior to be a lethal trait.
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Dear wool/cotton blend sock yarn,
I do not enjoy knitting with you. I do not like it in a box, I do not like it with a fox. I do not like it here nor there, I do not like it anywhere.
Please finish those socks ASAP so I can move on to more pleasant yarns.
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Dear Policeman In Duluth Of Whom We Asked Directions On Wednesday,
Although we were perhaps a bit annoying in that way that clueless people have a way of being, your help was appreciated, particularly the part where you told us to make an illegal U-turn "...carefully..." We did find the street you directed us to, and eventually we even found the house we were looking for. Someday we might even be able to remember the address.
In return, we gave you a good story to tell at your dinner table that night. "You wouldn't believe these three old ladies today..."