Found at MyLifeIsAverage.com, aka MLIA. Enjoy! I laughed until I cried at the first one and was pretty much limp on the floor by the last.
Today I had to take an AP biology test about safety. The question was List 3 types of behavior not acceptable in a laboratory. I listed: Kicking another person in the teeth; Re-enacting scenes from Walker Texas Ranger; and Pretending to be a cartoon character on speed. Full credit was given. MLIA.
Today, my drum line had a drum battle with another marching band's drum line. When the other school was done, they threw their drum sticks down, acting all hard core. My drum line stole their sticks and ran away. I'm pretty sure we won. MLIA
Today, I was grocery shopping and had several items for my cat, including litter, food, and a flea collar, in my cart. While exiting the pet aisle an older man stopped me and asked me if I had a cat; looking at him blankly, I informed him that this was for me. His face made grocery shopping enjoyable. MLIA
Today I was proofreading my little brother's story for English when I came across this interesting comparison. "The boat gracefully glided across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't." He's in sixth grade and I'm pretty sure he's the reincarnation of Shakespeare. MLIA [kmkat note: I think this is actually an opening line from a Bulwer-Lytton entry, but it's still good for a laugh.]
Today, I was rummaging through my drawer looking for a stapler when I found my old Pokémon stamp. My homework is now Pikachu certified. MLIA.
Last night, I looked out my window and noticed that the streetlight in front of my neighbors' house was out. This intrigued me, so I looked closer and saw that all the streetlights near their house were out. I don't know why Dumbledore was visiting my neighbors, but I'm going to start being a lot nicer to them. MLIA.
I went to Disneyland dressed as Waldo. All day long, whenever I saw someone take out a camera, I would freeze in the background of their photo. Best day ever spent. MLIA
Yesterday in biology, I got really excited and looked under my table. Taped under it was a bag of chips and a note for me. My lab partner looked extremely confused. Little does she know that my sister and I are secret agents and leave notes for each other around school. School has never been more
exciting. MLIA
Today, I received a knock on the door from two teenage boys dressed in doctor suits with a giant needle. They asked me if I've seen somebody suspicious lurking around my property. At that exact moment another teenager in a straight jacket ran by and the two chased after him. I still can't stop
laughing. MLIA
My cat
and I were in the living room watching TV when I decided to watch "All
Dogs Go to Heaven." As I pressed play, my cat looked at me, got up, and
left the room. I sensed a note of hostility. MLIA
We were in class and for some reason our teacher wasn't showing up. Suddenly the principle of our school ran into the room, screaming, "THE BRITISH ARE COMING! THE BRITISH ARE COMING!" and ran out as fast as he could. Five minutes later our British substitute walked into the room. MLIA
Today, I realized that even if T-rexes have arms that are too short for hugging, they can still chest-bump each other. This made me feel a little better for them. MLIA
My friend showed me the late slip that he turned in. His excuse was that he had been "stuck at Platform 9 and 3/4". It was approved as a valid excuse. It made my day. MLIA.
The other day in church the sermon was on lasting relationships, so my preacher asked all the couples that had been together for 50 years to stand. He continued increasing the years until there was only one couple left standing. The congregation politely applauded, and the guy held up his hand for a high-five from his wife. She slapped his butt instead. I think God would have approved. MLIA.
And the very, very, very best one of all? The one that made me stop reading because nothing could ever top it?
Today after reading a MLIA about a purse that said G-unit on it I decided to look it up on Urban dictionary because I myself did not know what G unit meant. Third definition down was, "Super hardcore ghetto slang for, 'Gee, you knit?' " Forget anything about rapping. THIS is the definition I now choose to believe. MLIA
Amen to that. Have a great day!